The Curious case of celebrity divorces

Celebrity-marriages and if, God forbid, the marriage does not end well, then celebrity-divorce, always garner public attention. The recent one is cricketer Hardik Pandya's divorce. In that, the fact that the said cricketer had to part with 70% of his assets to secure the divorce, has become a talking point, in all social circles. 

Generally you will observe, in such discussions, men tend to sympathize with the man while women feel for the wife. That is natural. Each gender looks at the dynamics of the marriage from their angle and may form an opinion accordingly, as to what could have gone wrong or who is in the wrong. 

One gentleman posted in a WhatsApp group, a cautionary note to all young Indian men, contemplating marriage-  transfer all your property in your mother's name. That way, the wife will respect your mother, all her life and will not ask for a separate house. Plus, in the event of divorce, with nothing in your name, you would not have to part with your hard-earned assets. (Several men immediately responded with a thumbs up, conveniently forgetting that their own mom is someone’s wife.)

Needless to say ladies were more supportive of the wife. And lauded  the court for freeing the wife from this unhappy marriage and seeing to it that she is in a good stead. They were quick to add that times have changed and now women won't take a step back, just for ‘saving’ the marriage etc. ( a skewed argument that women’s lib means uncompromising attitude.)

I am a bit philosophical in these matters- what one may call, old school. And I will tell you why.  Having seen good and bad in both genders, I don't see a need to defend one over the other. 

Also I genuinely feel bad when a marriage ends bitterly.  

Family I believe, is the single most important unit of any society. A strong family will translate into a strong society which in turn will lead to a strong Nation. When decoding the reasons behind success of Indians globally, an American report cited strong family as the primary reason. 

And at the core of a strong family is a healthy relationship between the man and his wife. The foundation of such relationship is trust. But trust is not guaranteed by wedding rituals. It is built, slowly, steadily, brick by brick, patiently, over a number of years. The initial years will be rough for most marriages. The reason being,  high and sometimes unrealistic expectations on both sides. But slowly, with years, comes maturity. People learn to accept their spouse, not expect. And when the acceptance is wholehearted and unconditional, that's when the love-story truly begins. 

This isn't so perfect all the time. There are sure to be highs and lows. There will be arguments and fights. There will also be apologies and hugs. And then there will be resigned humor that men are like that while women are like this. Through all that, there will be some deep sense that God has paired the couple quite well, afterall.

So a marriage needs to be saved. I am not talking about extreme cases involving mental or physical abuse, adultery etc., Such marriages are not marriages, but mishaps and must be ended, without doubt. 

I am talking of marriages between two fairly good people. Such marriages need to be saved. And it's in the hands of the parents and the society. 

• The way we bring up our kids, be it a girl or a boy, is very important. This constant criticism of opposite-sex has to stop. No gender is superior. If that were true, ParaBrahma would not have bothered to create man and woman. HE intended the Universe to be run by both feminine and masculine forces. In short, we should help our children develop a sound self-image where they value themselves for who they are and don't develop either a victim mentality or a superiority complex. 
• It's also important to teach our children who is worthy of being their hero or ideal. Just because a person is a great actor or a fantastic player, he/she cannot be blindly emulated. On the contrary, there are scores of examples around us, of seemingly ordinary people who have led an extraordinary life. There is a need to recognize and appreciate such real life heroes.
• Marriage is for companionship. But a spouse cannot be the centre of one's universe.  One cannot and should not depend on their spouse to make them complete. One should be complete from within. And that comes from great education, well cultivated hobbies, work ethics, selfless service etc. 
• Possessiveness is NOT love. Love is being secure. There is no need to control or hold back true love, It just stays, when it's nurtured with compassion and acceptance.

These may seem too philosophical but these are permanent solutions to saving any marriage and if you look at them they are quite logical and easy to practice.

Coming back to celebrity divorce cases, I feel the role of the court needs to be called out. With one judgement, the affluent spouse is rendered almost penniless. This is ridiculous. What if it is an attempt to loot a celebrity by slapping a false abuse-case and also showing his/her spouse as completely dependent? That would be sinister and is likely to be abused by the unscrupulous.

(Let me clarify that I am not a cricket buff. Nor am I a marriage expert. I am just a bystander. So my thoughts expressed here are purely my opinions based on my understanding.)