Moving out!

It’s raining and I’m not home yet, home? I mean not actually. 

I stayed with my parents for 22 years even though I wanted to move out, explore, experience and live that “happening life”. Was it a blessing? 

I remember Amma being my alarm, waking me up on time, giving a warm hug, serving me with my favorite strong bed coffee and also warning me to not get late. As usual I was always late. Amma used to feed me breakfast as I got ready and Appa used to start his bike to drop me to college. This was everyday scenes. 

Especially when I was in 10th grade I remember appa dropped me to school every morning as I used to miss school bus everyday. Amma always scolded me for this but not Appa. He never complained to drop me. Some days even my uncle or aunt or cousin had dropped me to school and college. Oh God ! I wonder now why was I taking so long to get ready.

Whenever I had exams Amma was always awake with me, help me prepare for exams, give me my strong coffee and the piece of motivation that always helped me push myself. Appa had the at most trust on me. He made sure that he dropped me in time to my college and on the way he used to tell that he knows I’ll do it and even if I fail to perform well that’s absolutely okay. 

On the last day of exams, as I entered home, I was always welcomed with the aroma of Chicken Kebabs that Amma prepared specially for me. Whenever my mood was down Amma asked me to lay my head on her lap, she massaged my head, told stories of her life, later she used to serve me with my favorite Biryani. This was not it, my cousin used to take me on a long ride and my friends visited me with my favourite chocolates. Amma never let me miss my breakfast. If Amma was busy she asked Appa to feed me so that I don’t go empty stomach. 

I’ve two best friends in my place who are more like a family, we studied in the same school and same college. Every evening we three used to go for long walks, then visit our favorite chat center and enjoyed our favorite panipuri.  This friendship turns 17 this year. We have literally grown together. 

There were days when I felt low and lonely. I did have bad days. I did fight with my family and friends. But I was in ‘my home’, and ultimately everything seemed better cause I’m accepted the way I’m and there’s a sense of assurance and trust that no other place like home can give.

When I was studying in Chickmagaluru I wanted to move out of my place to explore, I wanted to move to a metropolitan city where they were many opportunities and exposure. When I was unable to move out I always cribbed and cried about that. I many times blamed my parents for no reason, I started feeling nothing is working in my favour. During those days I always felt moving out can solve all my problems.

It was ‘the day’, I moved out to pursue my masters. That’s when I woke up to reality. The actual struggle starts from finding a home. The amount of emotions that flows in mind  makes us question not only about our decision but our entire life. Getting adjusted for food is other major task. 22 years my taste buds were adjusted to taste of delicious food prepared by Amma but after moving out my taste buds are actually no more after tasting the same taste every day.  Everyone around you are strangers, new city and missing home is a pain added to that.  There’s no one to wake you up or serve bed coffee or ask you ‘how was your day?’, no one to prepare your favorite food, no one to help you cross roads, drop to college and no friends. I started wondering is this what I actually wanted? Did I cry for this? And many more questions.  It took me many days to realize the beauty behind all this. 

            It is all about independence and the journey that once we dreamt to live. It was us who were brave enough to even dream about it and take a step towards it. I feel a small change in the way we look at our new journey can entirely make us feel better about it.

What if we looked at it in this way?

You wake up early on your own cause you’re aware of your responsibilities, each day you’re pushing yourself to fulfill all your dreams. It is Obvious that we miss our homes. But the sense of waiting for that one holiday to meet our parents keep us motivated for the entire week to work. The sense of waiting and then the sense of meeting your loved ones is unmatchable. What is it about making new friends or meeting new people? The way you present yourself, make space for your personality, talking to strangers and getting to meet so many people that you never imagined. What about that unexpected friendship? That happiness when you randomly meet a person from your home town and you end up talking for hours and carrying a sense of joy in your hearts. Where else can you find it? That first rain in a new city, that first festival, first job, first day at office, first movie, first date, the time you fell sick all the firsts that you experienced will be cherished and written in the diary of life.

I was a person who was scared to even take metro, or take city buses to travel from one area to other. When I took my first metro I felt proud of myself for overcoming my fear. This might be just one very small instance. Similarly there might be many situations where you all would have proved yourself by over coming the fear you had. 

I cry silently in my room. I spend hours to travel alone to work on some days  I get many random thoughts, doubts and regrets about my decision. But will all this make me stay away from me dreams? definitely not. I know these are situations and I can overcome it or to let go of it but never sacrifice my dreams for it. Sometimes I deal with this alone and sometimes I give a call to my best friends cause I know we might be apart but nothing can make us apart. 

The way life teaches its own theories is so unique in its way. The way we grow as individuals, the way it helps us face any challenging situations on our own is unimaginable. It helps us to understand what to let go and what to hold on even without us putting any efforts. 

Definitely moving out is not a cake walk. It is a journey filled with struggle, tears, questions, regrets, dilemmas. But it is also a journey that helps us understand how to value what we have, to value emotions, relationships, friendships, it teaches us patience and perseverance, it helps us understand ourselves, give time for ourselves, improve and appreciate ourselves. The art of being grateful and making memories make this journey more beautiful. When the goal is achieved you feel all the struggle is worth it. 

Let’s not loose hope and confidence. If not today then tomorrow is definitely our day.