Do you want to be yourself or normal?

I looked around to see if I was in the right place and if I was in the exact location as I looked at the map. My mind is wondering if I get lost I may have to make a call but I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Because it's not a big deal, I told myself over and over again it's not a big deal, I could deal with being in a room full of my relatives. I had to remind myself that my relatives were not monsters. But the reminder didn't work last time. The previous t family had me crying in tears in the middle of the streets, strangers walked by with their looks as if my breakdown was a show to them Since my parents are in Canada to see my elder sister Anika get settled down with her husband, they pushed me to attend the family event in Bangalore. I looked at the invitation on my phone, described as a fun anniversary party with cake, lunch, and games. My uncle worked in an IT company, the kind of company every person wouldn't say no to the interview but only one in the twenty candidates get recruited. Kittu mama was married, his wife worked at Google and had three children. The event was to celebrate the twentieth anniversary. All the attention was on the family, not on me. I hoped. 

His job allowed him to live in a fancy apartment, I was standing at the entrance as the security guard scanned the password on my phone. After a nod, I passed through with relief. The way he looked at me reminded me of the security at the airport and made me nervous that if I accidentally carried any drugs in my suitcase, I get arrested and my life flushed down the drain. My mind had the power and wanted to play tricks on me with these thoughts. I walked through the apartment complex with my mouth open, it was located at Indiranagar, and I had to drive straight from the airport to the apartment complex. I didn't have enough sleep. And yet I looked around the area, wondering how my uncle got lucky. He had two swimming pools, a basketball court, an Italian restaurant, and a supermarket. I then realized my job wasn't fancy, so I started working as a content writer, my job just became permanent. A work-from-home job in Dubai, that I loved because I didn't need to go out. It gave me plenty of time to work on my novel. In the last event, I explained to my mom’s side of the family, that they looked as if they wanted to run away, and asked if that was what I liked to do. I smiled and told them I loved writing. I kept smiling until I went back, cried, and ate an entire bag of chips. This time I needed to explain to my dad’s side of relatives about my job. I struggled with the apartment rent. But I didn't need so much money, I had the necessities. I wondered if they are only interested in a conversation with the young generations with an IT job or in a science field. I did have a cousin who was in medical school to become a doctor, as soon as my uncles and aunties heard, they went to her and asked many questions. Their eyes widened like they were in paradise. I reached the door, the apartment complex was like a maze but after ten minutes I made it to the uncle’s front door. I held on to my bag with a tight grip. I made a promise to my parents, to attend the anniversary party with a smile, and polite conversation. I was amazed at the apartment complex but now my hand was in a fist around my bag. I knew I was the freak in the family, they knew too but I wished if I were normal. Being normal has some advantages, they would respect me and like me for who I am. After I took a deep breath I rang the doorbell and wished myself good luck. 

Do you want to be yourself or normal?