Building Connections

Two colleagues, A and B, meet in the office canteen over a cup of coffee.

A: Life has become quite simple these days, isn’t it? Such quick decisions are taken! Let me tell you just two conversations I recently heard.

“Papa, I need a new phone. This one is giving some trouble and it’s a 2-year old model!” (Age -10) 

“Oh, is it? Ok, why don’t you send me the link for what you want, and I can buy it online.” (That’s it.)

“Mumma, I am going out with my school friends for dinner. I’ll be very late.” (Age-14)

“That’s fine, do you need some money?” (No more questions.)

B: I don’t know if we can call these as ‘conversations’. In fact, do we even have conversations these days? In the fast-paced world that we live in (and taking immense pride in such living) are we losing out on something crucial, something that is the very foundation of robust relationships? 

A: What are you talking? These kinds of dialogues are quite common between people with the strongest relationship - a parent and a child. Similar dialogues take place between couples too.

B: Is it really? The warmth, the sharing, the concern, the open discussion, the listening of each other’s views, the understanding that follows, the thought-through decision….I can’t see any of it in those dialogues. Those come only when we are truly connected. Are we losing the ‘connection’ then? 

A: Hey, what are you saying? This is a day and age when we are more connected than ever before! Connection is everything – Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, X, LinkedIn…..you name it…these are our connections with the outside world.

B: Ok, say you have a huge network of ‘friends’. They are the ones who promptly like your pictures, your comments, your views… but how many of these are your close buddies? The ones you will be there for, or the ones you will be there for?

A: I don’t need anybody. (Pause). And I don’t think anyone needs me too.

B: Did I hear some sadness, some loneliness in your voice here? Are you missing something?

A: I must admit that even in the midst of my social media crowd I feel lonely. Everybody seems to be having a great time. So, I constantly feel the need to show that I am happy and that my life is ‘happening’. I then eagerly look forward to their ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ but also don’t know whether their responses are genuine or not. 

B: Hmmm….trust does take a beating. Sometimes we feel it is too superficial, just a reaction on the surface, just to be acknowledged, to look good or to please someone. Do you also feel so?

A: Yes, and I think you were right about the connection. I experience this very rarely and may be that is the missing link. It needs to be at a deeper level to really ‘feel’ more involved in the other person. 

B: And with involvement comes an interest, a concern, a need to learn about each other. This is where ‘conversations’ begin. 

A: I get now what you are saying. When conversations begin, an automatic connection is formed. Though I don’t know which one comes first. :)

B: That really doesn’t matter, does it? Listening is the key to a ‘real’ connection. There are questions galore lurking in every corner, in every situation with people, in every dialogue, in every expression, and if we ‘listen’ intently, we will hear all those unasked, unsaid questions. 

A: How will that help? Does it have to be meeting in person each time for this? I would really like to know how to go about it.

B: No, no, you don’t always have to meet. You can hear it in the voice on the phone, in the tone being used, in a written message, in the silence from the other side, in the emotions expressed, in the action and the reactions that follow…..there are so many ways. 

A: Now that you say it, I can relate to it. I remember times when I could even read between the lines, only because I was interested in that person’s views and opinions. 

B: If we all sincerely try to listen with our hearts and be mindfully present in the moment, we will build not just connections, but lifelines to people who face challenges of today – of loneliness, of depression, of substance abuse, of suicides – and make this world a better place for everyone. Try it, and we’ll meet again to hear your experiences. Good bye till then!