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A BIG TINY JOY!

By Avani

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31 May '24
4 min read


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Growing up, I always thought life was limitless. It was a soulful journey that went beyond just the physical realm, infinitely. Until one day, I suddenly woke up in the midst of a pandemic with the walls closing in, my mind numb and my heart racing. My nerves and anxieties were at a peak since the past few months because of the surroundings, my own insecurities and one of the most infamous qualities of an anxious person, overthinking. Somewhere I was left with a sense of having lost touch with life, losing control of time and being, and to a large extent just feeling completely absent. The whole experience was draining beyond words and felt like it would never end.

I'm driving today lost in thought, trying to focus on safely moving past the blinding headlights when suddenly I feel a tiny hand on my cheek, probing me to turn to my left." CAN YOU PLEASE PUT MUSIC?" 

It has been a year since the lockdown was lifted and since this little boy entered my life, almost miraculously, like a reminder of the little child inside me that never wished to grow up… 

The sparkle in his eyes was such a pleasant sight. With a cute toothy smile with a missing incisor and a chirpy voice the vibe was sure to change!

Every day in the past year has been filled with moments of joy, tears, and many many lessons. Along the way, moments spent in treasuring time turned out to be meditative for me.

Watching this toddler demonstrate tireless dedication towards everything he picks be it art or creating temples and structures, being highly spiritual, chanting mantras instead of rhymes, and fearlessly challenging himself in new territories urged me to reflect on the colourful and filter-free perspective of a child. The colours of a butterfly, the shape of a leaf, the sound of wind, the smell of flowers, all existed even in my darkest days but this baby human was what it took to open my eyes to the magnanimity of nature. Nature has such an enormous presence that all our problems seem too small and as tough they're mere illusions and fade away almost immediately in its midst! 

His youthful spirit opened my eyes to something so profound, the unfortunate truth of growing up , in the attempt to age to perfection our lives get so tainted by needs and desires, failed expectations, lost chances and unrealistic targets that we cease to live fully. While the temptation to dwell in the surface level joys and woes isn't very easy to shed in the age we live in. I slowly started to get drawn to this pure and enlightening bundle of energy and seeking the positivity that I was long missing! 

Gradually but surprisingly instantly, a very beautiful bond developed between us, a friendship that saw no age, no boundaries and no hurdles! I experienced a connection like never before. One of silent understanding and unknown support. If I shed a tear, a tiny hand would caress my hair, if I felt fear, ever so often he'd run towards me and talk me into his wonderful dreamy world, almost as though he could sense me wandering into grey thoughts, and with an innocent glance make my heart melt when it was jittery. I found an irreplaceable friendship that heals me from within.

Soon enough during my evening walks, I found myself taking a moment to feel the grass beneath my feet, to hear the birds sing in merriment, to see a pretty butterfly hopping from plant to plant, and to enjoy the breeze near the calming poolside. My rendezvous with this little soul had awakened my sleeping inner child, and while I still sometimes grapple at accepting the growing reflection in my mirror, a ray of hope has begun to brighten my aura. Perhaps keeping the child in me alive every day will help me along my journey of life, to appreciate it for all the small and big things!!

A sequence of horns startles me from my deep pondering, I take a detour to buy him his favourite flowers, he beams and envelopes me in the warmest of hugs, that grounds me like nothing else, making me feel more present, happier and stress-free than ever!

 

 

Category:Personal Experience


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Written by Avani Panshikar