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23 Sunflowers I planted at 23

Part 1

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28 Apr '24
7 min read


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A random evening I was on my terrace star gazing which is one of my favorite things to do. I had my playlist on, it mostly contained Kishore Kumar songs, then early 90’s songs from Kannada and English. Sipping my hot chocolate I just started wondering about life, my ambitions, dreams, principles, career, family and so on…. It made me realize so many things that I never paid attention to, it also made me think about so many situations and my behaviors towards it. I felt penning this down and now I’m sharing this with you all. 

1.Metrices for life matters a lot.

When I thought about life, I just didn’t think of only my life. I immediately started comparing my life with my peers. Was that right? Definitely not. I  recently read a book by Mark Manson ‘ The subtle art of not giving a f**k’ , it made understand about the metrices we use to gauge our happiness or even our life matters a lot. It’s us who must decide the metrices and the metrices we choose should be for our own growth. If we decide the metrices based on other’s life or as per the society standards we might not be happy and live in the world of competition. The metrices we choose can be different and it is damn okay!

2.Have to heal from the childhood trauma.

I feel lucky are those who had a trauma free childhood. It took me 19 years to understand that my childhood was traumatic. I became over caring, over protective, over loving and I tried helping others as much as possible, may be this was because I received very less care and love, I also felt helpless many times. I think this is why I don’t let other person feel the same at least consciously. Since last 2 years, I’m working on myself , slowly healing from the past, learning new ways to find happiness, trying to build a better perspective towards life and I’m still that person who cares, protects, loves, helps but nothing over the top. 

3.Benefits of workout and meditation.

I know this sounds cliché to many, as most of the influencers and fitness enthusiasts tell this. To be honest, in spite of knowing the benefits of workouts and meditation, I barely gave importance to it. It was that one day, I felt so shitty about my health both mental and physical health. I knew I was under stress but did nothing about it. I just kept telling myself 'I’m alright’. But I couldn’t continue this for longer. From the next day, I woke up early, went for a long walk and meditated. Meditation is definitely not easy, everyday I learn something new about it, but the serenity it gives me is unimaginable. My health is improving and I’ve started to feel better. I’ve understood this creates discipline and patience in the process which helps us to make ourselves better and understand many things about life even without experiencing it.

4.Music and its magic on life

What’s the magic that you(music) hold,

Cause every time you take me to the field of gold,

Is it magic or is there any logic,

I tend to heal, and love how it feel,

You’re immortal like the wind’s presence,

And you’re my life essence.

I was never a fan of music, it was before Covid I developed interest in music, I started listening to new albums and felt learning guitar. My sister gifted me a Ukulele and it was in Covid I actually started playing it. I understood the magic music actually holds as it helped me heal and gave a new hope for my life. A song by Ruth B named ‘Dandelions’ holds a special place in my heart. Any day, any mood that one song can make me feel so much better. Sometimes it is lyrics that help me find peace and sometimes it is music. I’ve a separate playlist of Kannada Bhavageethe which makes me understand about the beautiful journey of life and emotions it carry, most of the times it acts like a medicine for my pain and answer to my question. ‘Yava mohana murali kareithu’ definitely holds magic. 

5.It’s okay to not like something what everyone likes.

Recently I was having a conversation with my friends, my friends started talking about a Hollywood movie which all of them liked, but I passed my opinion on it and they started telling how bad taste I have on movies. On the other day we visited a fancy café and tried their Matcha as it was so hyped on social media, everyone liked it but I didn’t. That’s when I realized it is okay to have a different opinion or maybe not like something that everyone likes just to fit into the box or not to feel left out. I felt this kind of situations build an unknown pressure of liking something in spite of not being okay or happy with it. It kind of suppresses our actual emotions towards it which is not good. Having a unique opinion and addressing it in the right way should be okay. Each person is unique, sometimes yes, we all kind of click at some point but that doesn’t mean it has to happen every time. Not liking something what everyone likes or most of the people like is alright. 

6.Friendship breakups are true but life is still beautiful.

Few years back I would never agree to this. I always wondered how can someone just go from ‘friends’ to ‘strangers’. But as days passed I understood it is  not the way I think. One small miscommunication or no communication or situations can change things drastically. As I grew up I understood any friendship or relationship grows only when each person shows up when needed or puts equal efforts. Today everyone is going through something and busy building their lives. If a friendship breaks in spite of putting efforts, showing love, being respectful, giving their personal space, it is alright, I know it is very very difficult to experience it but life has to go on. There are scenarios where people drift apart without any reasons, there are scenarios where people has to drift apart maybe because of the toxicity or maybe not being respectful. Instead of feeling sad we can try to understand it in this way, ‘may be their part in our life was meant for only this long, maybe we are this part in someone else’s life and  we never know’. Let us still respect them the way we did , let’s be apologetic there’s nothing wrong in it, let’s still wish them good, if we are wrong let’s make ourselves better. What I’ve understood is few true ones actually stay to make our lives beautiful even if not we have all the capabilities to make our lives beautiful. So let’s worry less, move on and live the life we actually want to live. 

7.Changing opinion is not bad.

When was I was 18 my opinion on self love was different, at 21 it was very different and at 23 I’ve a complete different opinion on it. At 18, I thought self love is nothing, it is just a word that’s trending and everyone are using it. In spite of reading about it online I cared very less about it and even while having conversations I barely gave attention to it. But at 21 my thoughts on it was completely changed, I understood how important it is and immediately started considering it or maybe following it blindly. At 23 I appreciate it, I’ve known its perks and understood the way I’ve to inculcate it and to what extent. I’ve multiple opinions on it so far and it might change in the future also. As we grow up, we become more mature, try to analyze things in a better way and we try to find more information about it, I think all this somewhere make us change our opinion on something and it is okay. We easily judge a person and stick to an opinion even without knowing them completely which is not right. And we might get chance in future to know about them, understand them and if we still stick to our old opinion just because we made it before that doesn’t make any sense.  

                               see you in part 2   

Category : Personal Experience


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Written by Jeevitha H S

an enthusiastic writer Coffee, letters, poetries, rain and flowers